Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
