He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
