You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
