Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
