i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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