Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
