don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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