hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
