I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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