Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
