I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
