It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
