you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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