you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
