420 ftw
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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