im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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