I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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