she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
