i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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