She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
this hospital has no fireball
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All the doctor said was why
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
