it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
