4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the day after is always just damage control
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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