I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
