My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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