I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
