also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
