i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
