i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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