Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
