Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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