Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
