All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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