All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
