these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
