all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
