ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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