puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
