He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
