If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
