I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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