Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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