i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
