What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
