Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's official drugs can't kill me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
