just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The air taste purple.
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