im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
