Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i drank out of a bidet.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
