i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
