I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
