Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
These tits shall not be calmed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
