dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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