Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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