Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
