If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
